If Dwyane Wade's Taste in Basketball Players is the Same as His Taste in Women...

So it's a week later, the Chicago Bulls apparently held a knife to someone's throat during the NBA lottery drawing and now hold the magical rights to the one and only Derrick Rose choking on game winning FTs in the national championship game (WHICH NEVER GETS OLD TO WATCH!) in the 2008 NBA Draft. For them to say they plan to evaluate Michael Beasley and others is absurd. For one, Rose is the hometown kid. Duh, that's why I'm 99.9% sure that this was fixed. Someone needs to pump inspiration into the Bulls fans, who have had rough times since being spoiled in the 90s with MJ. They've been coming oh-so-close the last few years to regaining a half-ass form of that 90s magic with the Baby Bulls, but then you do something intelligent and draft Bozo the Clown and his marijuana plants, and sign 4'11" power forward who has never shown any remote ability to get a ball INSIDE a basket to a $6 billion deal, and you know, things don't really work out. It's getting REALLY bad when the Knicks win out on the hiring battle for coaches.

David Stern knew it would be a bit fishy to rig the lottery once again for the Knicks, so the Bulls are the next best bet. It didn't seem TOO weird to anyone, until you think about what the Bulls once meant to the NBA and Chicago (obviously, one of the largest markets), and how they haven't QUITE YET alienated their fans, but they're on the brink of doing so. The NBA has learned not to let its star ships sink too much, so they're trying to fix the Bulls while they're still salvageable.

Anyways, in basketball-terms, I am an extreme endorser in drafting proven point guards first. Derrick Rose is that. We know he can work on a team full of good/great players and people who need the ball a lot. We know he can lead a team and only cracks on the free throw line under pressure (See: final minutes against Kansas and Tennessee). We know he's quick, smart, enjoys a fine meal of gummy bears and honey buns, has a debilitating fear of needles (so no need to worry that he'll ever become a heroin junkie), and is the great Poohdini. And really, what more could you ask from the #1 pick and future of your franchise?

So all of this has Dwyane Wade depressed. Dwyane has stated outright that if the Heat were to get the #1 pick (as they laughably didn't), he would want Rose over Beasley any day of the week. Understandable. And if you didn't know, franchise players pretty much run the team. GMs and such are just there for job titles. Dwyane Wade is of the same vain as players like Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, etc. The Heat would be nothing without Wade, and to keep him there, he must be happy.

Wade is spending his off-season working off the 400 lbs he probably gained hanging out with his lover Star Jones while not actually playing this last season with Tim Grover in the Chi. Grover is coincidentally also preparing several clients for the upcoming NBA Draft. One of them just so happens to be the one and only Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo, better known to the world as Orange Juice Mayonnaise/OJ Mayo/The Latest Guy from USC to Get Illegally Paid.

OJ has always been a combo guard, and Grover has been working with him to particularly refine his point guard skills to raise his stock by making him a well-rounded NBA guard. His PG skills were seen by few in college. He had the ball in his hands plenty, and was hot and cold on making smart decisions with it. One of OJ's admirable basketball qualities is that he's one of the few guards who shoots a LOT of shots, but not too many 3s. As his freshman year wore on, he knew to be careful about forcing that risky shot, and subsequently was nearly a 41% 3pt shooter. But otherwise, he was susceptable to turnovers (which you expect with younger players who handle the ball a lot), and wasn't getting his teammates involved like a true point guard does. He was a combo guard. The end.

But Dwyane has been there while Tim Grover has been working on OJ. And as all reports indicate, he's becoming a swell PG. They have him going through drills that force him to make quick decisions, and he's earning As. Dwyane likes what he sees. And because he knows he can't have Rose, he now supposedly wants OJ.

I understand why Wade wants a point guard. They're the fundamental basis of a team, the difference-makers, etc. Look at CP3, Tony Parker, Deron Williams, etc. But why is he so seemingly opposed to Lil' Mike? And why is he getting obsessed with a guy who ISN'T a natural point guard?

Wade needs to remember that his championship was due in large part to Shaq. Now, Lil' Mike ain't no Shaq, even in his waning years of dominance. But big men CAN make a difference, if they play aggressive enough. See: KG in Boston on the nights he cares to own everyone. The East is still the East, and even the West has lost its big man dominance as the oldies (Chris Webber, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, Elton Brand) have fallen and aged. Wade wants a guy down low who can compliment him and open up some space for him when he drives. Nobody is caring what Udonis Haslem does. But they'll care about Beasley.

Oh, but Wade wants a guy who can hit some outside shots and extend the D. Was I the only one who watched Mike hit 38% from 3? And how many guards or forwards are going to be able to consistently guard a 6'9" man's outside shot?

I am tired of the unproven upside being more valuable than proven commodities. Yes, OJ Mayo will probably be awesome. But we already know Lil' Mike is awesome, and nobody is asking him to do anything we DIDN'T already see him do in college. Bonus is, he has the pressure off him to lead the Heat and make them better, because that is Wade's job. Or maybe he's just sending the message that he doesn't want that responsibility anymore because he wants to get fat with his new girlfriend.