Bitches get stitches.

There's one thing you should probably all know about me, right from the outset. I'm a short Irish girl prone to outbursts and acting up. As such, one of the great joys in my life is a good, old fashioned basebrawl.

The great Yankees/Red Sox throwdown of 2003?



I laughed, clapped my hands in glee and threw haymakers from the couch in support, because I'm awesome like that. I thought it was going to be the best five minutes of my entire life.

Until this happened.



And it happened the day before my birthday and I considered it a birthday present from Jason Varitek, because, really, what could be more awesome than a glove to Alex Rodriguez's face? Nothing, I tell you, nothing.

I even have a sicksaddirtywrong crush on one Kyle Farnsworth (I KNOW. He's got every STD known to man and he's a dumb motherfucker who can't pitch for shit any more but I would do him in a hot second. Don't judge me.) Why?



That. Because that, my friends, is hotness.

So imagine my glee when my doting and very, very patient husband (who just ignores me when I shriek about the relative hotness of punches because he is a kind and loving man) and I went to the Phils/Mets game this Saturday. The blood has been getting ugly between the two teams for a while now. I think it started when the Phils beat the Mets eight straight times and came from behind to take the NL East last season as the Mets performed what can only be described as a glorious and resounding faceplant into second place. It kept going this year, including one game in which Chase Utley was hit no less than four times with the ball (three while batting and one, inexplicably, on the basepath). So we went, expecting a fight. Expecting? Nay. Hoping.

The teams? Not so much. The stands? Ohhhh, the stands, they were glorious. Haymakers, thrown beers, insults, swats, slaps and other assorted violence in full technicolor display. I was in heaven.

Until the last inning, when I saw what may be the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life.

I saw a Philadelphia police officer punch a Mets fan straight in the face.

Now, in his defense, three different security guards had already tried to stop the completely epic brawl going on in the stands (a fight so fantastic that every one of the players and coaches on the field stopped what they were doing to stare at the scuffle) and the guys just kept going. When it reached the point that said Mets fan was kicking another guy in the head, law enforcement showed up, fists ablaze.

Naturally, I immediately texted every single person I have ever met in my life.

So imagine my joy today when my wonderful and saintly husband emailed me, first thing in the morning with just a link.

That link? Was this one.

Let me just show you a sample of the awesomeness located at that link, courtesy of the readership of The 700 Level, a Philly sports blog that you need in your life like you need air and water and me.



I'm not gonna lie. I'm more than a little turned on right now. (And yes, that picture is now the wallpaper on this computer.)