So yes. Ronaldo (AC Milan, not Man U, sadly) drops his girlfriend off, goes and picks up three hookers, does some drugs, if you believe the hookers, and then flips shit when he discovered that his hookers came with a bonus feature. And I am left laughing my ass off, because...really? Three tranny hookers? I mean, one was enough for Eddie Murphy. (Note: If Cristiano Ronaldo ever gets caught with three tranny hookers, you will hear my whoops of sheer glee from space, because I hate that bastard and I hope he hurts himself in spectacular fashion in just enough time to lose Man U the championship. And I'm an Arsenal supporter, so the fact that I want Chelsea to win? Should say something.)
Look, I know it's no 'Roger Clemens took a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL to his hotel room the night he met her, but they totally waited until she was legal to have sex. No, seriously. Why are you looking at me like that?' (Which, side note: Euuurrrrrgh. Seriously. I can't even mock it any more, because I am far too fucking grossed out and depressed by the entire thing. Like, where the fuck were her parents? What the fuck was he thinking? And who picks up a fifteen year old girl and takes her to his hotel room? This ain't Thailand, Rog. We have laws against that.)
And hey, speaking of inappropriateness with the youngsters and kicking it up a notch for it being your own daughter, does someone want to explain to me why Hulk Hogan appears to be rubbing sunblock on his own daughter's ass? I just...I quit. I can't do this any more.
My point is, this week has been a bit crazy for athletes that can't keep their dick in their pants. I'd advise noted manwhore Kyle Farnsworth to maybe keep it zipped up while he serves his suspension for nearly beaning Manny Ramirez. Who knows what could happen if that crazy motherfucker got into trouble? I'm guessing it would involve several surface to air missiles, an army of midgets, at least six donkey shows and a trumpet, just for fun.
Here, have a picture of reformed manwhore Pat Burrell. (I say reformed only because he's a newlywed. I don't really believe it.) That's not sweat glinting off his shoulders. That's the funny syphilis.
8 comments:
I think the cockpunch tag is my new fave. I'm glad I added it.
Also, Batrick is filth.
when i saw that article this morning, i TOTALLY thought it was C. Ronaldo. in fact, soccernet had a photo of him WITH the article (dumbassess). and since he's made the news before (see here: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article267190.ece), i thought it was likely. imagine my disappointment.
I'm simultaneously in love with the cockpunch tag and a little sad that it took us this long and something this skeevy to require it. And Batrick is filth, but he's hot filth who is hitting ike his ass is afire.
Which it might be, given the syph.
GOD, a girl can only dream he'd do something that stupid now. I hate that stupid son of a bitch and his stupid fucking face.
imagine my disappointment.
I find it hard to be disappointed in anything that involves three tranny hookers, myself. But then again, I don't know shit about soccer.
Is this what would be called a "Devil's Four-way", Mags?
First off, Lis, I adore you for busting out a HIMYM joke, ESPECIALLY THAT ONE. I query, though, whether or not the BroCode covers tranny hookers.
Lisa, sweet Jesus, if it takes me explaining to you the ridiculous fucking trash that is the home lives of soccer players, I will because it is ricockulous and you would be amused.
I don't know, Mags. Swarley didn't address that particular issue in his blog:
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/how_i_met_your_mother/community/barney_blog/index.php
I really should read The Daily Mirror more, no?
Yes, you should, because The Daily Mirror's coverage is basically the trashiest thing known to man, and I say this in a world where itsasecretsohush.blogspot.com exists. Seriously, the interviews that they give the groupies are epic and awesome and UTTERLY predictable. ('I was bowled over by his appetite. We went all night. I have never had a lover like [insert soccer star here] and I don't think I ever will. He was insatiable. We made love at least three times before he called his wife to tell her he'd be coming home late. Then we called room service for some champagne and made love until dawn, when I had to leave his bed to go to work as a shop girl. It was a night I'll remember forever. I have never seen a man so well endowed.' That, obviously, is if it's Beckham or somebody the editors love. If no, he probably puked and then tried to kiss her..)
OH SWARLEY ILU.
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