We hate you.

MAGGIE SMASH

Our vision for this Web site is to shows the nation how beautiful and sexy the ladies of Red Sox Nation are. We offer the following analogy: Sexy Sox Girls are to Red Sox Nation as Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issues are to Sports.

The best part - it's democratic. Viewers rate candidates based on a scale of five red socks, with five socks being the creme de la creme. The site also requires applicants to disclose their favorite players, beaches, and bars they patronize. That’s key, as now those viewing the photos will know where to go. And you know they’ve got a chance. There’s always a chance.


Look, far be it from me to criticize what gets other people's rocks off. Hell, I'm the one that tried to explain to you people how a good basebrawl can act as an aphrodesiac. (And it can, my friends. Ohhh, it can.) but this? Makes me six different kinds of angry, and all those kinds are violent.

It's a site. Where women post pictures. Of themselves. Scantily clad. In Red Sox gear. And then they're rated. According to their hotness.

I want to set this site on fire. it's not bad enough that it's a website set up so that insecure women needing to show off their goodies to get the approval of others can post poorly lit images of themselves in allegedly provocative poses. Oh, no. They had to go and bring the Red Sox into it.

Because of course it's not bad enough that if I try to buy a jersey that fits my (ample, thank you) tits and doesn't hang on me like a dress, I'm stuck with some kind of hot pink or powder blue monstrosity. Of course it's not bad enough that I constantly have to defend my knowledge of the game simply as a result of possessing said tits. No, no. Now, chicks in baseball gear is some kind of messed up excuse for ogling, and I am pissed right the hell off.

Look, I get it. Wanting to be pretty doesn't make you less of a fan. That's fine. I think you're probably kind of nuts for putting on full makeup and straightening your hair to go sit up in the 400 level, but whatever. I don't get it, but I'm not judging.

This? This I'm judging. Look, you want to show your tits off on the internet? Go ahead. Have a party. They're your goodies, do with them as you please. But the second something like this, a 'rate the chick in the Sox jersey' site starts up? The rest of are being dragged in, unwittingly, and some of us want no part in that.

In conclusion: I hate you. And because I'm too mad about this whole stupid site to post a picture generally reflective of the content of this post, you're getting Jonathan Papelbon in a kilt, to make me feel better.