We Are All Point Guards at Heart

Before I get to the aftermath of the NBA Draft (naturally late, too...I've managed to be late to school every day this week, and it looks even worse considering my classmates are goody-two-shoes nut jobs who show up like, 45 minutes early. People suck.), I have to have a good laugh at this gem:

"I decided the best thing for myself would be to go back to school, get my degree and have something to fall back on," he said. "Become a man. My mom always preached about getting a degree and stuff like that, so I definitely wanted to do that for my mother. Just becoming a Pitt alumni, that's priceless."

Those fine words are courtesy of Greg Oden's little brother, Pitt forward Sam Young. Many things come to my mind reading this, some of which are highly inappropriate to post even for this blog, but...I guess Sam "Old" Young realizes the chances of a 6'5" forward who can't do much besides dunk making it to the NBA are slim, so he needs to network with those Pitt alums to land himself a J-O-B. Hey, it's worked out well for Maggie and I. I just never really thought to call my 4 years at Pitt "priceless". By the way, I graduated 2 months ago and still don't have a degree.

Also, the article that this comes from is also amusing since they're making it seem like the 3 people who will be seniors in college ball next year are going to make the year SO thrilling. I like Tyrese Rice as much as the next ball fan, but uh, he's not exactly a superstar. As the first section basically slobbers and states...it's really more about the Carolina seniors AND juniors returning, because at this point, nobody else has any hope.

So, anyways, some late thoughts on the draft and its aftermath:

1. I've already expressed my issue with coaches being obsessed with converting combo/2 guards into pure point guards. It can work, yes...but how often? And when you have a good point guard available, why aren't you taking him? People knock DJ Augustin, but he CAN be a good NBA point guard if he just CALMS DOWN with his shot. He's a damn pitbull with the ball though. His size doesn't matter. I watched him crash the lane for 2 years in the Big 12.

But then something INSANE happens like Russell Westbrook going fourth. Now I love that kid, and it's more than his charming smile and the fact that he looks 12. BUT HE IS NOT AN NBA POINT GUARD RIGHT NOW. He played what, a couple games at the point when Collison was out? He led his team in assists? SO WHAT?! He's a slasher, and he had Kevin Love down low...of course he gets easy dimes. He can dish it off to Love under the basket or kick out to Josh Shipp. I'd average 4-5 assists a game too if I was a Bruin.

And even better, now the Sonics have a 2 guard who they're making a point, and a power forward who should play small forward who's playing the 2. Thanks for ruining Kevin Durant's career further.

2. Since we're discussing Bruins...can I buy the Grizzlies like, yesterday? I still can't believe they ruined their entire team about 4 hours after making a decision that would have made them playoff-caliber. This is another thing I blogged about weeks ago...HOW ARE RUDY GAY AND OJ MAYO GOING TO COEXIST?!?! Even worse, they damn near are playing similar positions. If you're gonna bring in another superstar, you should have pulled the trigger on that proposed Miami trade and sacrificed Mike Conley and co for Lil' Mike. At least he's a big man. Well, according to Kansas State. In real life, he's a midget.

What kills me is that Kevin Love was THE perfect fit for the Grizz. He's not gonna score like he did in college, but he's going to be a VERY effective big man (an anomaly in the NBA these days). For the Grizz, it works out because he will take up space on the low block, freeing Hakim Warrick to play a little looser down low. Warrick can be great offensively, but he's never going to be strong enough at the power forward spot to be effective if all big man defensive pressure is on him. He's a skinny, weak dude. It's reality. But Love would have relieved that pressure, opened things up for him, and the rest of the team too. Outlet pass, blah, blah, blah...now we'll watch Rudy and Orange Juice fight all season. It's hard out here for a pimp.

3. CDR, Super Mario, Lil' Mike's possibly gay lover DeAndre Jordan...man, y'all look dumb right now. Maybe you'll make it, maybe you won't...but I love it when early entries who SWORE they were first rounders fall to the second. Especially you first 2...you were a year away from your degree. And CDR might have gotten redemption and a ring. Oh well!

4. My favorite moment of the night was Eric Gordon's mismatched suit and Jay Bilas' draft analysis of him, which was essentially, "He can't run, he can't rebound, he can't defend...he can score?" Gordon and the Clips are a marriage of epic failure. Now there's a guy who should have fell in the draft. Yes, a one-dimensional guard who had an emotional meltdown once his coach was fired will be awesome in the NBA! The second the Clips screw up the whole season in October, he'll start crying and average 0.4 ppg. I love freshmen.

5. Yes, I did cry with Darrell Arthur. I laughed at Brook Lopez. And the Knicks. Mafia payoffs are funny.

6. People who weren't in the lottery who might still turn out alright or awesome: Bill Walker (duh), Sean Singletary (A REAL POINT GUARD), Darrell Arthur (yeah, I never knew what to expect of him either at Kansas, but why not? I feel the same about Brandon Rush.), Courtney Lee, Joey Dorsey (the next Ben Wallace)

7. People who shouldn't have even been drafted (aka a group of big men who are either stiffs or too skinny): Roy Hibbert, Kosta Koufos, Donte Green, Anthony Randolph, DeAndre Jordan, DJ White

8. People who I will always want to punch in the face: Deron Washington, the crying Lopez twins, Eric Gordon

9. People who just make me go, "AWWWW!!!!!"

Fangirl Friday (The Late Night Edition)

So Friday is over across most of the planet Earth, but real life occasionally gets in the way of our weekly salivating sessions (and our blogging here in general). It was a rough week for many around here at Real Bitches, and the following fine men and I send particular love out to Maggie, Laser Rocket Arm, and Lisa.

This is a video heavy edition, so please to click on provided links!

From familiarcraving:

I think the video of the Austrian rugby team getting naked in Lithuania should be posted on principle.

(Obviously NSFW. Edited version here.)

I LOVE THEM ALL.

From Lisa:



Scott van Peezy

He has everything on my very lengthy checklist:

1. Obnoxiously tall: check
2. Funny: check
3. Does awesome Stephen A. Smith impression: check
4. Self-deprecating: check
5. Hotness: check
6. Leaves long-winded voicemails about club footed women with Bell's Palsy: CHECK
7. Gives good commencement speech: CHECK
8. Loves a Five Guys burger: check
9. Extremely aero-dynamic dome looks slightly like Predator when viewing his profile: check
10. Kind of sappy whilst talking about terminally ill children: check
11. Hometown boy: check
12. Participates in mimed double dutch: check

Oh, van Peezy. Steer that chrome dome in my general direction.

From moi:

You know, originally, I was going to talk about how I stumbled upon numerous pics from the Tribeca premiere of Gunnin' For That #1 Spot (which is supposed to be a most excellent basketball documentary and I am pretty much counting down the days until I see it), and how the ones of Michael Beasley in a suit pretty much made me cry because I can't bear to see my baby grow up...so instead of crying (even though he looked DAMN FINE), we'll watch a video from a poorly done cover shoot for Dime Magazine, which only matters for the 30 or so seconds beginning at the 0:46 mark while Lil' Mike shirtlessly describes his tats and how he is God's son. Well, unless you're crazy like me and get giddy over every moment involving him, even the ones that showcase how bad his skin is. IT'S OKAY MIKE, YOU WERE ONLY 18 AND ARE STILL PROBABLY GOING THROUGH PUBERTY TODAY AND I LOVE YOU ANYWAYS PLEASE DON'T GROW UP JUST YET!

sigh...moving onwards...the next stuff is special made for these two individuals, whom we all love deeply.

For Maggie, who just wanted some Sid the Kid lovin' (and she's basically betraying her husband and the city of Philadelphia, but it's okay, she has the ties to the 'Burgh as well):





And for sleepysluggo, celebrating a most excellent burpday, and with love from an 18-year-old Monta Ellis:



The regular semi-intelligent ranting and raving will resume shortly, as soon as we all regain our sanity and order. Until then...just mock the Cavs with me, why don't you?

Fangirl Friday

So the whole point of this blog was to talk about how smart bitches know sports and can talk stats with the best of them, right?

Well, mostly. The other point of this blog was to tell the truth about chicks who dig sports, and one of those cold truths? We ogle. Oh, we can rattle off batting averages and ERA and WHIP and yards rushed and goals attempted and shit like that until the cows come home, but when it comes down to it, sometimes a girl just has to check out some soccer calves, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Or you could just look at Cesc Fabregas, now that he's gotten rid of his horrifying mullet. I'm a soccer fangirl. Don't you judge me.



So we're instituting Fangirl Fridays. These are the days when all our principles go out the window and we just ogle the pretty. Sometimes, we'll have a point. (An All-Star Fangirl Friday before the All-Star game, A Frozen Four Fangirl Friday, maybe an NCAA Fangirl Friday that I'll just stare at as it goes by, wondering who in the hell the other ladies are talking about.) Most of the time? It's a free for all. Feel free to suggest your own Fangirl Friday hotties in the comments. We'll try to find you something pretty.

Before we get to the pretty this week, we'd be remiss if we didn't wise the divine Queen E congratulations today. Today, our little baby girl graduates from the finest school in the land (not that I'm biased), the University of Pittsburgh. As a fellow alum, I can tell you that Queen E and I insist that the next time you're in Pittsburgh, you simply must chow down on some Fuel and Fuddle Nachos. (Truly, she's about to learn that those nachos are the first thing you miss when you move out of Souf Oaklin.) Congratulations, Queen E. We're all so very proud of you.

Without further ado, I bring you this week's Friday Fangirl.

First up, we have Queen E's selections.


Michael Beasley sad makes me go "Awwwww," and just wanna rub his broad shoulders and kiss his red head and tell him it'll be okayyy...okay so maybe not that innocent but uhhhh...he's only 19.



I still want to bash Gerald Henderson Junior in the face, but it's a pretty, pretty face. And him getting dunked on is HOTT.




And finally, Terrence Williams has a sleeve. 'Nuff said. Nobody has made me happier the last 2 years when I've seen him in person. He told a drunk girl in the Pitt crowd last year to shush, and then hit a fallaway three pointer. I want his children.





Laser Rocket Arm says:

Here is some Joshua Patrick. Please to be posting him.



Maggie here. Here's a story about Josh Beckett, whom you will find I affectionately call Hot Pockets. Why, you may ask, would I call him Hot Pockets? Well, you see, I was watching the 2007 ALCS with some good friends. (HA. What I mean is that I was sitting on the couch with my laptop on my lap and chatting with some lovely ladies all across this vibrant land. Hi, Ladies of the Cinco Ocho Nacho Mojo.) Anyway, Beckett was dealing, as he does in the postseason, and threw a particularly sexy fastball right across the plate to close out an inning and stalked off the mound while some genius (and I am not being sarcastic in the least- this may have been the best bumper music decision OF ALL TIME) cued up The Pixies' 'Here Comes Your Man.' (Seriously, it may have been the single hottest thing I have ever seen in my entire adult life.) After we managed to stop ourselves from trying to make out with the television, we were listing things he'd have to give us in order to make out with him. 'I'd let him make out with me for a free taco from Taco Bell,' 'I'd let him make out with me for some fries and a cookie' and, finally, 'I'd let him make out with me for a coupon for some Hot Pockets.' Look, it may not seem all that hilarious now, but when you're three glasses of wine down and playoffs-tired, it's fucking hilarious. Thus, I'd make out with Josh Beckett for a coupon for Hot Pockets.

Uh, as you were. Don't judge me.

And, since I already explained to you the inherent hotness of a good baseball fight, I'll let Lisa weigh in with our final Fangirl Friday selection.

You see, Lisa joins me in having a whole lot of seriously sicksadwrong crushes on some diseased thugs simply because we find things out that certain diseased thugs once stiffarm tackled a guy into a coma in high school. (Seriously, that's hot. How is that not hot?)

And then when she finds pictures like the below of certain sicksadwrong crushes (Hi, Shockey. Please get traded so I don't have to feel bad about wanting to make out with you, provided you get a full physical and an okay from three doctors, kthnx.) the logical thing to do is provide all and sundry with a map of her perviness. Y'all, this kind of shit is why we love Lisa.

L-O-L

Diversion of the day:

This is pretty much a quickie here. With the NBA Draft early entry deadline quickly approaching, everyone and their momma is throwing their name into the pool, hoping to get some run with Mickey Mouse in Orlando and a sense if they're wasting their time declaring this year. While some (most?) players are just too dense to realize they need to stay in school another year or 6 (Yes, Derrick Caracter, this means you - though I'm beginning to believe Coach Pitino was one more silly foul away from having your family find your body in a river, so maybe I don't blame ya), most (some?) of these guys are just "testing the waters". I do have plenty to say about nearly every individual who has declared thus far, most of which isn't nice and accuses the NBA of racism, but we'll save that fun for closer to the draft.

Today's excitement involved THE Ohio State awkward big white man Kosta Koufos deciding to "test the draft process". While he is inexplicably projected as a late lotto pick, despite nearly everything about him screaming "STIFF!", I'm hoping the Greek dude returns to THE Ohio State next season just so we can enjoy a frontcourt of TWO awkward big white guys stumbling over one another in the low post when BJ Mullens arrives in Columbus. As Bill Simmons would say, the unintentional comedy factor has a tremendous upside potential.

Anyways, today's musings relate to a fairly broad topic that just had me thinking this evening. Around January, I developed this intense obsession with K-State BBall phenom Michael Beasley. The reasons are endless - the way he crashes the boards, his silky outside J, the way he can play like the 6-10 power forward he is one moment and a 2-guard the next, the ridiculous stats, those pretty sleepy green eyes and that red hair...I'll spare you the rest. Anyways, said obsession led to me spending my work days endlessly Googling and YouTubing Lil' Mike. Great information out there on the youngin' too - he loves interviews, and his dear mama writes a blog about him that sounds more obsessed with him than I do any day of the week.

The common theme in most of the interviews and videos is how goofy of a person he is. In case you've missed out on his oft-told life story, he went to 98 different high schools, and was kicked out of the prestigious basketball factory Oak Hill Academy after his junior season for having a contest with Ty Lawson as to who could autograph the most items of school property (Mike won the contest with his autograph of the principal's car, and subsequently was dismissed). Overall though, he's a good guy...no criminal record, decent grades, not even a notable attitude problem. Essentially, the opposite of O.J. Mayo. But the main point of anything you read or see on him is how he's just a fun, Spongebob-idolizing (We are SO meant to be together), goofy kid who is trying to find a balance between having "too much fun" and becoming a responsible adult representing K-State (and now his soon-to-be NBA team).

So naturally, reporters kind of egg that kid side of him on when they're working with him. Lil' Mike seemingly gets really excited in front of cameras, and basically hams it up to the best of his abilities. He knows he's making people laugh, and even he and his mama said how his joy in life is making others happy. His press conferences are semi-famous, particularly the YouTube staple of "Mike and the iPod". Some K-State student group put together a series of random press conference moments, mainly involving Lil' Mike, displaying their silliness.



Now, for some reason, some people took offense to this, saying that it displayed a poor representation of K-State by its student-athletes. Another group even reposted the same video under the title "Student-athletes disgrace institution of higher learning". Comments throughout the internets assume they're all stoners, or just simply lacking intelligence and class. These guys, particularly Lil' Mike, are acting like clowns, camels, disgraces! Because apparently...being a kid is illegal.

Think back to when you were 18, 19. Maybe you were a freshman in college too. How many mature, serious moments did you have in an average day? How would YOU have acted if a camera was constantly in your face, inviting you to act silly?

I worked with/was tortured by University of Pittsburgh athletics for the last 4 years, where I was subject to way too many men's basketball press conferences. Particularly this past season, Pitt's own freshman phenom DeJuan Blair got a lot of postgame PT because of his monster numbers. And generally, he acted like a fool. He gave semi-serious answers, but he spent the rest of the time laughing, poking at his teammates, and basically...being a 19 year old boy. And the press would roll their eyes, while I tried my hardest not to giggle from the back corner.

For the record, it can be safely assumed that this sort of stuff goes on at EVERY athletic program, and probably most pro teams, unless you're in the NFL where a toenail clipping is fined. Kids act silly, stodgy reporters and prissy university folk roll their eyes and suck their teeth and thank whatever God/gods that THEY are better than that.

However, you don't hear or see these guys cussing out reporters, or telling the world that they're "A FUCKIN' SOULJA!", or making it rain, or whatever. They're not even making fart jokes! They're not doing anything remotely offensive! Are the offended parties at K-State going to take me to a frat party where they are playing an innocent game of Pictionary rather than beer pong, and prove that their university is so esteemed that some post game jokes are a threat to their well-being?

Now, I could flip this, and say that the media is exploiting these young black men in a "Bamboozled"-kinda way, encouraging them to act like clowns to perpetuate the overall image of them as lowly stupid people not meant to do anything but run, jump, and rhyme, but even my political ass isn't that crazy. I see it as it is - children being children. And you know what? I laugh. It's cute. Stupid, but cute. Maybe I'm a bit biased towards Lil' Mike, but hell, I'm telling you I found DeJuan's antics amusing, and I hate Pitt with every fiber of my being.

Then again, you're reading the words of a woman who sang "The Wheels on the Bus..." at the top of her lungs while waiting for the 71A this evening, so maybe my judgment is wacky. Regardless...I feel like people aim to target flaws in all young athletes, assuming these are all awful people who we shouldn't let our children see. And when you're not Pacman Jones, I guess you get chastised for your sense of humor. Chad Johnson (Prior to the contract bitching) was an amazing example of this ludicrousness - the guy really never did a damn thing wrong, but the world seemingly hated him for making checklists of cornerbacks and racing horses. And this logic might even be more amusing than the stupid media moments.

So really people - stop chastising the kids. Embrace your days of youth, current or past. Save the hatin' for the people who earn it by their actual disgraceful actions. I'm sure Pacman will F up sometime soon to give you something worthwhile to criticize.

Until then...continue to judge. But don't lie, you just wish you were part of this happy fun good time.