We Are All Point Guards at Heart

Before I get to the aftermath of the NBA Draft (naturally late, too...I've managed to be late to school every day this week, and it looks even worse considering my classmates are goody-two-shoes nut jobs who show up like, 45 minutes early. People suck.), I have to have a good laugh at this gem:

"I decided the best thing for myself would be to go back to school, get my degree and have something to fall back on," he said. "Become a man. My mom always preached about getting a degree and stuff like that, so I definitely wanted to do that for my mother. Just becoming a Pitt alumni, that's priceless."

Those fine words are courtesy of Greg Oden's little brother, Pitt forward Sam Young. Many things come to my mind reading this, some of which are highly inappropriate to post even for this blog, but...I guess Sam "Old" Young realizes the chances of a 6'5" forward who can't do much besides dunk making it to the NBA are slim, so he needs to network with those Pitt alums to land himself a J-O-B. Hey, it's worked out well for Maggie and I. I just never really thought to call my 4 years at Pitt "priceless". By the way, I graduated 2 months ago and still don't have a degree.

Also, the article that this comes from is also amusing since they're making it seem like the 3 people who will be seniors in college ball next year are going to make the year SO thrilling. I like Tyrese Rice as much as the next ball fan, but uh, he's not exactly a superstar. As the first section basically slobbers and states...it's really more about the Carolina seniors AND juniors returning, because at this point, nobody else has any hope.

So, anyways, some late thoughts on the draft and its aftermath:

1. I've already expressed my issue with coaches being obsessed with converting combo/2 guards into pure point guards. It can work, yes...but how often? And when you have a good point guard available, why aren't you taking him? People knock DJ Augustin, but he CAN be a good NBA point guard if he just CALMS DOWN with his shot. He's a damn pitbull with the ball though. His size doesn't matter. I watched him crash the lane for 2 years in the Big 12.

But then something INSANE happens like Russell Westbrook going fourth. Now I love that kid, and it's more than his charming smile and the fact that he looks 12. BUT HE IS NOT AN NBA POINT GUARD RIGHT NOW. He played what, a couple games at the point when Collison was out? He led his team in assists? SO WHAT?! He's a slasher, and he had Kevin Love down low...of course he gets easy dimes. He can dish it off to Love under the basket or kick out to Josh Shipp. I'd average 4-5 assists a game too if I was a Bruin.

And even better, now the Sonics have a 2 guard who they're making a point, and a power forward who should play small forward who's playing the 2. Thanks for ruining Kevin Durant's career further.

2. Since we're discussing Bruins...can I buy the Grizzlies like, yesterday? I still can't believe they ruined their entire team about 4 hours after making a decision that would have made them playoff-caliber. This is another thing I blogged about weeks ago...HOW ARE RUDY GAY AND OJ MAYO GOING TO COEXIST?!?! Even worse, they damn near are playing similar positions. If you're gonna bring in another superstar, you should have pulled the trigger on that proposed Miami trade and sacrificed Mike Conley and co for Lil' Mike. At least he's a big man. Well, according to Kansas State. In real life, he's a midget.

What kills me is that Kevin Love was THE perfect fit for the Grizz. He's not gonna score like he did in college, but he's going to be a VERY effective big man (an anomaly in the NBA these days). For the Grizz, it works out because he will take up space on the low block, freeing Hakim Warrick to play a little looser down low. Warrick can be great offensively, but he's never going to be strong enough at the power forward spot to be effective if all big man defensive pressure is on him. He's a skinny, weak dude. It's reality. But Love would have relieved that pressure, opened things up for him, and the rest of the team too. Outlet pass, blah, blah, blah...now we'll watch Rudy and Orange Juice fight all season. It's hard out here for a pimp.

3. CDR, Super Mario, Lil' Mike's possibly gay lover DeAndre Jordan...man, y'all look dumb right now. Maybe you'll make it, maybe you won't...but I love it when early entries who SWORE they were first rounders fall to the second. Especially you first 2...you were a year away from your degree. And CDR might have gotten redemption and a ring. Oh well!

4. My favorite moment of the night was Eric Gordon's mismatched suit and Jay Bilas' draft analysis of him, which was essentially, "He can't run, he can't rebound, he can't defend...he can score?" Gordon and the Clips are a marriage of epic failure. Now there's a guy who should have fell in the draft. Yes, a one-dimensional guard who had an emotional meltdown once his coach was fired will be awesome in the NBA! The second the Clips screw up the whole season in October, he'll start crying and average 0.4 ppg. I love freshmen.

5. Yes, I did cry with Darrell Arthur. I laughed at Brook Lopez. And the Knicks. Mafia payoffs are funny.

6. People who weren't in the lottery who might still turn out alright or awesome: Bill Walker (duh), Sean Singletary (A REAL POINT GUARD), Darrell Arthur (yeah, I never knew what to expect of him either at Kansas, but why not? I feel the same about Brandon Rush.), Courtney Lee, Joey Dorsey (the next Ben Wallace)

7. People who shouldn't have even been drafted (aka a group of big men who are either stiffs or too skinny): Roy Hibbert, Kosta Koufos, Donte Green, Anthony Randolph, DeAndre Jordan, DJ White

8. People who I will always want to punch in the face: Deron Washington, the crying Lopez twins, Eric Gordon

9. People who just make me go, "AWWWW!!!!!"

If Dwyane Wade's Taste in Basketball Players is the Same as His Taste in Women...

So it's a week later, the Chicago Bulls apparently held a knife to someone's throat during the NBA lottery drawing and now hold the magical rights to the one and only Derrick Rose choking on game winning FTs in the national championship game (WHICH NEVER GETS OLD TO WATCH!) in the 2008 NBA Draft. For them to say they plan to evaluate Michael Beasley and others is absurd. For one, Rose is the hometown kid. Duh, that's why I'm 99.9% sure that this was fixed. Someone needs to pump inspiration into the Bulls fans, who have had rough times since being spoiled in the 90s with MJ. They've been coming oh-so-close the last few years to regaining a half-ass form of that 90s magic with the Baby Bulls, but then you do something intelligent and draft Bozo the Clown and his marijuana plants, and sign 4'11" power forward who has never shown any remote ability to get a ball INSIDE a basket to a $6 billion deal, and you know, things don't really work out. It's getting REALLY bad when the Knicks win out on the hiring battle for coaches.

David Stern knew it would be a bit fishy to rig the lottery once again for the Knicks, so the Bulls are the next best bet. It didn't seem TOO weird to anyone, until you think about what the Bulls once meant to the NBA and Chicago (obviously, one of the largest markets), and how they haven't QUITE YET alienated their fans, but they're on the brink of doing so. The NBA has learned not to let its star ships sink too much, so they're trying to fix the Bulls while they're still salvageable.

Anyways, in basketball-terms, I am an extreme endorser in drafting proven point guards first. Derrick Rose is that. We know he can work on a team full of good/great players and people who need the ball a lot. We know he can lead a team and only cracks on the free throw line under pressure (See: final minutes against Kansas and Tennessee). We know he's quick, smart, enjoys a fine meal of gummy bears and honey buns, has a debilitating fear of needles (so no need to worry that he'll ever become a heroin junkie), and is the great Poohdini. And really, what more could you ask from the #1 pick and future of your franchise?

So all of this has Dwyane Wade depressed. Dwyane has stated outright that if the Heat were to get the #1 pick (as they laughably didn't), he would want Rose over Beasley any day of the week. Understandable. And if you didn't know, franchise players pretty much run the team. GMs and such are just there for job titles. Dwyane Wade is of the same vain as players like Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, etc. The Heat would be nothing without Wade, and to keep him there, he must be happy.

Wade is spending his off-season working off the 400 lbs he probably gained hanging out with his lover Star Jones while not actually playing this last season with Tim Grover in the Chi. Grover is coincidentally also preparing several clients for the upcoming NBA Draft. One of them just so happens to be the one and only Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo, better known to the world as Orange Juice Mayonnaise/OJ Mayo/The Latest Guy from USC to Get Illegally Paid.

OJ has always been a combo guard, and Grover has been working with him to particularly refine his point guard skills to raise his stock by making him a well-rounded NBA guard. His PG skills were seen by few in college. He had the ball in his hands plenty, and was hot and cold on making smart decisions with it. One of OJ's admirable basketball qualities is that he's one of the few guards who shoots a LOT of shots, but not too many 3s. As his freshman year wore on, he knew to be careful about forcing that risky shot, and subsequently was nearly a 41% 3pt shooter. But otherwise, he was susceptable to turnovers (which you expect with younger players who handle the ball a lot), and wasn't getting his teammates involved like a true point guard does. He was a combo guard. The end.

But Dwyane has been there while Tim Grover has been working on OJ. And as all reports indicate, he's becoming a swell PG. They have him going through drills that force him to make quick decisions, and he's earning As. Dwyane likes what he sees. And because he knows he can't have Rose, he now supposedly wants OJ.

I understand why Wade wants a point guard. They're the fundamental basis of a team, the difference-makers, etc. Look at CP3, Tony Parker, Deron Williams, etc. But why is he so seemingly opposed to Lil' Mike? And why is he getting obsessed with a guy who ISN'T a natural point guard?

Wade needs to remember that his championship was due in large part to Shaq. Now, Lil' Mike ain't no Shaq, even in his waning years of dominance. But big men CAN make a difference, if they play aggressive enough. See: KG in Boston on the nights he cares to own everyone. The East is still the East, and even the West has lost its big man dominance as the oldies (Chris Webber, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, Elton Brand) have fallen and aged. Wade wants a guy down low who can compliment him and open up some space for him when he drives. Nobody is caring what Udonis Haslem does. But they'll care about Beasley.

Oh, but Wade wants a guy who can hit some outside shots and extend the D. Was I the only one who watched Mike hit 38% from 3? And how many guards or forwards are going to be able to consistently guard a 6'9" man's outside shot?

I am tired of the unproven upside being more valuable than proven commodities. Yes, OJ Mayo will probably be awesome. But we already know Lil' Mike is awesome, and nobody is asking him to do anything we DIDN'T already see him do in college. Bonus is, he has the pressure off him to lead the Heat and make them better, because that is Wade's job. Or maybe he's just sending the message that he doesn't want that responsibility anymore because he wants to get fat with his new girlfriend.

When Getting Lucky Isn't So Lucky

Diversion of the Day: Don't be shocked when the Spurs and Pistons meet in a couple weeks in the NBA Finals. Consistency is key to winning. The end. Plus, I'm just NOT sold in particular on the Celtics. Besides Jesus Shuttleworth's amazing disappearing act, Tayshaun Prince's ridiculously long arms will bother the hell out of Paul Pierce, so don't expect too many more 40 point explosions. The ex-factor is Billups vs. Rondo. Billups has the size to outplay him, but the hurting hammy may slow him down and let Rondo speed around him. I can't figure out the Spurs, but the Lakers are their easiest matchup this playoffs since the only concern is pretty much Kobe, and even Bruce Bowen can curb that a bit. Ruben Patterson will be smiling from some jail cell.

Anyways, about a month ago, my dear friend Dylan and I discussed purchasing the Memphis Grizzlies. Cheap buy with potential to grow into something huge, as long as you fool people into thinking they're attending the REAL Memphis basketball team's games. That's an easy one though - we've devised a plan to pass out watered down whiskey shots while Mike Miller and John Calipari sing "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp", and by the time the fans enter Fed-Ex Forum, they'll be so dazed and confused that they won't realize the basketball players aren't wearing blue and white uniforms.

All kidding aside, the Grizz have potential. They have a solid young core that doesn't really seem to be on the verge of a meltdown or drug bust. They've adopted the Suns run-and-gun offense thanks to Coach Iavaroni, and it's worked out to their advantage as they outscored teams down the stretch of the season, getting 8 of their 22 wins in the final month of a half. They just need to learn some defense tactics, stay healthy, and figure out what to do with their front line.

The Grizz have a strong shot at getting the #1 or #2 picks in the NBA Draft Lottery tonight, which is normally a wonderful thing if your GM is intelligent enough to not draft Kwame Brown (ironically, currently on the Grizz's roster). With Derrick Rose and Michael Beasley being the stars of this draft class, busts are unlikely to happen in the first two picks. But what happens when you have the top 2 picks, and both of these people would cause issues for your team?

Obviously, Derrick Rose going from a Tiger to a Grizzly would make little sense when Mike Conley Junior already has the PG spot locked up, and my Philly boy Kyle Lowry as a fine backup. Conley was injured for a chunk of his rookie season, but considering that he had a solid year - low turnover rates, steadily rising numbers shooting and assist-wise, having to learn a new offense in a new league with your shoulder falling off, that sort of thing. I'm impressed alone with him averaging 10 points and over 5 assists in his first semi-full month of playing in January. Point is though, why do you need another point guard, and would Derrick Rose be that drastic of an improvement over Mike Conley? No. Duh. And the Atlanta Hawks and New York Knicks have proved that stockpiling 15 guys who play the same position doesn't help build that good of a basketball team.

So the answer is clearly Lil' Mike, right? Who DOESN'T want a guy who can throw up a floater in traffic, miss, sky for his own offensive rebound, and put the shot back on a fadeaway in even MORE traffic (Yes, that moment actually happened)?

Well...maybe the Grizzlies. See, there's this guy named Rudy Gay on the Grizz. Maybe you've heard of him. Just 2 years ago, just like Lil' Mike, supposedly the most talented guy in college basketball. He didn't put up Mike's jaw-dropping numbers at UConn, but he had that same ridiculous "potential" tag on him - and similar to Mike, everyone questioned whether or not he truly wanted to be great and could lead a team to win. Unlike Mike, Rudy played on a team full of great talent (Emeka Okafor, Josh Boone, Marcus Williams, and about 75 other guys currently in jail or on NBA rosters), which explains why he didn't really NEED to be third in the nation in scoring for UConn to be good.

He had a yawn-inducing rookie season in the NBA, but doubled his scoring average this year to 20 ppg, and actually started becoming a well-rounded player. I got used to reading Rudy Gay stat lines along the lines of: 22 pts, 6-35 FG, 1 reb, 0 assts, 6 TOs, and then he started caring and averaged about 6 boards a game, and even began consistently racking up assists and steals. So Rudy Gay is becoming the star everyone thought he would be someday. That's good. Great teams need a star to win. Period.

But Rudy Gay is like Michael Beasley - he's a star only when the ball runs through him most of the time. And if you put them on a team together, what will happen? Most likely, you'll get the Antoine Walker/Paul Pierce-led Celtics - 2 guys putting up ridiculous numbers while their team put up mediocre performances.

Look at all the recent college and NBA champions. With the exception of the Lakers of this early decade (which had the most dominant, unstoppable player in recent memory with Shaq-in-his-prime, who put up 40 and 20 like he was Wilt Chamberlain), they were all your prototypical well-rounded team, with fairly even shot distribution. They all had at least one consistent star, with several other guys who could step it up when it mattered. One and Two man shows just DON'T get it done, unless they have a Shaq. Lil' Mike is pretty amazing, but he's not Shaq. Nobody is.

So do you risk imploding your team because Lil' Mike and Rudy will average over 40 shot attempts per game between them? They would make an excellent front court tandem, and also often risk never getting into a flow together because they both NEED their shots to get comfortable. If you think that's not true for Mike, look at K-State's first round victory against USC, where Mike didn't get it going until late because he spent the first half in foul trouble.

The Grizz COULD use a true big man - Hakim Warrick played excellent offensively after the Gasol trade, but he's not the dominant 4 man you need to win in the West. They could also use a new 2 guard - Mike Miller is alright, but an upgrade wouldn't hurt.

So aren't they better off falling in the 3-6 range? Getting a chance to draft DeAndre Jordan or Eric Gordon may be the best thing for this team. They'd probably make an impact, and DON'T need the ball in their hand at every moment. Gordon is much more polished than Jordan, but 1 in every 10 7-footers HAVE to work out. I think we're due since Dwight Howard, right?

So, I'm gonna pray the lottery is rigged and the Knicks get the #1 pick and the Sonics #2 (D. Stern needs to ensure the Sonics find a new fan base), and the Grizzlies don't ever have to think about destroying their team with the 2 best players in the Draft. Although getting Lil' Mike to join Miller and Calipari for a rendition of "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" would be pretty awesome.

A-B-C 1-2-3

Diversion of the Day: If you read my first post ever at this blog, then you know my feelings about Kobe winning the NBA MVP award. I just think the process is BS, and clearly has been a way to reward Kobe for finally having a winning season without Shaq, even though his individual feats other seasons were probably more impressive (and resulted in more L's). Never mind that the Laker's team success is largely due in part to the arrival of Pau Gasol, and Lamar Odom FINALLY playing a full season. The NBA tends to retroactively grant MVPs these days, so I guess CP3 will win it sometime in the next 27 years. He still owns your soul, and that goes double for the Spurs.

Also, though the Celtics/Cavs don't tip off for another couple hours, and the Pistons are already up 2-0 on the Magic, PLEASE drop the "ZOMG THE CELTS AND PISTONS STRUGGLED SO MUCH IN THE FIRST ROUND WTF" talk. I'd be bored and unmotivated to play too if sub-.500 teams were allowed in the playoffs. The Pistons are already proving the point that real playoff teams are worthy of a real effort, and if you don't think the Celtics are excited about stopping the Cleveland BronBron's, then you've probably never played and/or watched competitive athletics in your lifetime.

So, onto something else irrelevant. The NBA Draft Early Entry Deadline came and went while I was hauling my life across the Mason-Dixon Line, and now I'm waiting for June 16th, when I get to laugh at the mopes who foolishly lose their remaining eligibility for non-guaranteed contracts and the NBDL.

Now, what determines whether or not a kid should declare? If I had it my way, we'd go back to the 1960s and they'd play all 4 years - but I'm a biased college basketball lover who generally ignores the NBA until playoff time. But it's the real world, and everybody wants that paper. So what else can be used?

Well, for starters (and the focus of much of this upcoming "series")...coming off a fairly awesome year tends to help. I've written numerous papers and posts and bathroom wall writings as to why Michael Beasley should stay his fine red behind at K-State, but in all honesty, you don't get a season much more perfect than his was individually (besides that 5 point aberration against Xavier, but he left his shoes in Kansas...on second thought, if you can't keep track of your shoes, maybe the NBA isn't the best place to be). Same for Derrick Rose - though the fact that one of the defining moments of his college career was choking on game winning FTs in the National Championship game is a sour (yet HILARIOUS) note to end on, it's really hard to justify another year at Memphis.

But for MANY people in the draft, who are coming off questionable, disappointing, or just yawn-inducing years, you hope they get the message and enroll in summer classes ASAP. And until June 16th rolls around and some of these dudes file whatever paperwork they need to withdraw, I'm going to randomly dispense some advice to you individuals who have declared thus far (who probably aren't reading this unless you like to Google yourself as much as I Google Mike Beasley). And today, we're starting this thrilling series with the Texas Longhorns backcourt.

We're going to push aside the fact that Texas is the front-runner for national champs next year if the entire teams returns. We're also pushing aside the fact that Mr. Augustin claims he's only waiting to hire an agent in case he pulls a Brandon Rush. We're focusing on this: A.J. Abrams and D.J. Augustin combined to shoot 43% for the season (42 and 44 as individuals, respectively).

Now, who cares, right? They won 28 games, averaged a combined 35+ PPG (nearly half of the Longhorn's offense), and one half of the duo often picked up the slack for the other half when they were going through one of their customary slumps.

But in an offense like Texas', shooting percentage matters. Texas averages 60 shot attempts per game, and 21 3-pt attempts per game. It should be no shock to anyone who watched Kevin Durant at Texas as to why he averages 4 billion shots per game in the NBA. Because guards control these sorts of gunning offenses, guard production is obviously the most crucial to its success. And it can make them look like geniuses, or like fools...which both A.J. and D.J. experienced at numerous times throughout the season.

So to both of you:

A.J., YOU'RE THE SHOOTING GUARD...and you turned in so many 3-15 sort of performances that it's just laughable to justify you entering the draft. You're small, and you don't play like Allen Iverson (you know, taking 40 shots a game, but at least driving to the basket 20 times to create foul opportunities and such). Point is, if you're a shooting guard, and you ain't shooting it well...HA, good luck kid. At the same time, your averages haven't improved much in 3 years, so maybe what's the waste in seeing if you'll ever get better? So you hit 38% from 3 point range, big deal. Ronald Ramon and many others have too and they will only see the NBA if they watch it on TV. You do nothing else legitimately impressive, including not racking up assists despite being on a team that shoots 45% overall, not rebounding since you pretty much live on the perimeter, and not playing defense since, well, nobody does. And somehow, you forgot how to shoot free-throws this season. Don't hang out with Derrick Rose.

As for Mr. Augustin - yes, you have much going for you. I've often said I want your point guard babies - unlike A.J., you crash the lane like a pitbull, creating offensive opportunities for yourself and the team - easy lay-ins, finding Damion James cutting along the baseline, kicking back out to Abrams for open jumpers, etc. You're a GREAT point guard...you know how to create offense, find open men, pass well, etc etc. In fact, I agree with most that you're the second best PG in the draft class behind Rose (especially since half the projected PGs didn't play that position in college, like Russell Westbrook, and it's always ridiculous to attempt to project people out of position in the NBA), and I think your size matters little, as you clearly showed you have balls to play inside in the Big 12, which is a conference of NBA-bodies. However...you often get selfish, and at all the WRONG times, unlike other great scoring PGs like my MVP CP3, Steve Nash, etc. You define a streak shooter - you follow up your fiery 50+% shooting late in the Big 12 season with 34% shooting (20-58) in the NCAAs, including 4-18 in the Elite 8 loss to Memphis. My argument for all PGs is that they must know their role, and when it's time to score...and for someone like you, who has bluntly stated that you get out of shooting slumps by shooting more, you're not mature enough to get that yet. Even though you'll be a lotto pick, I'd hate to see you buried on an NBA bench when your coach gets pissed with you halfway through the season. You also need to work on your ball-handling - I mean, that kinda matters for a PG to you know, NOT turn the ball over.

And besides, pulling it back into the equation - you're championship contenders. Damion James was smart enough to come back. You have everything on your side Kansas did last year, and look how that turned out for them. This isn't UCLA, where people are coming in who WILL take your playing time (Sidenote: RUSSELL WESTBROOK AND DARREN COLLISION, RUN LIKE THE PLAGUE! MALCOLM LEE AND JRUE HOLIDAY HAVE ALREADY CLAIMED YOUR JOBS!) And besides, aren't you both from middle-class families? Yeah, no sob story excuses.

But if you take this all into consideration, I will definitely be leading the Texas-For-National-Champs bandwagon next season...especially because I love midgets like me.