Overdoses are Never a Good Way to Go

No, this isn't a post about pitchers at Georgia Tech (though if we must bring up the subject, really, I'm semi-amused at the idea of this kid trekking into the ghettos of the ATL Shawty to get his herron fix). This is about me. That's what it's always about. Me, me, me.

I've been quiet lately, mainly because I'm starting a new job after my month of doing nothing except meeting guys who installed my cable and hanging out with pigeons and homeless people at the harbor. Man, I love Baltimore. But there's another caveat to this.

I've officially overdosed on basketball.

"Really? At the start of the most marquee finals match-up since...the Lakers and Celtics last met? And you really call yourself a basketball junkie?" I'm sure that's what you're saying as you read this. And yes, it makes me feel guilty. Or like a girl. Whatever. You win.

Yes, my friends and enemies, I have overdosed. I am tired. I have had enough. I can only take so much more of Jesus Shuttleworth suddenly losing the fundamental ability that carried his entire career, and putting odds on which 7 footer will drive to the basket less - KG or Gasol, and watching Kobe grow that disgusted look on his face as he realizes what his teammates capabilities are, and staged knee injury dramatics, and former Lakers/Celtics references, and blah blah blah...

The last minute of Game 2 solidified that I'm through. I tuned in, just at that point, after deciding that packing in my 100+ degree apartment was more enthralling. Lakers down 4, 22 seconds remaining. Kobe inbounding. Classic play, something I saw even those inept Pittsburgh Panthers run on a thousand occasions - inbound ball, inbounder immediately pops unnoticed off a backscreen, gets the ball, drains the shot. It's the simplest play ever that utilizes weak side defenses and speed and the stupidity of the opposing defense and blah blah blah...with the setting of NBA Finals, chance of going down 0-2, and the time/score situations, Kobe Bryant was made (MADE!) for this situation.

Ball inbounded to the top of the key. 21 seconds. Kobe's coming off the screen, open on the opposite wing. 19 seconds. Scramble at the top of the key, ARMS FLAILING ZOMG WHAT WILL WE DO, 14 seconds, one of those 30 Eastern Europeans on the Lakers launches up a shot (if, by launches up a shot, you mean presents the ball in Paul Pierce's face for him to block), EPIC FAIL, ball rolls out of bounds in slow motion before the Lakers get a foul, and the game is basically over. And Kobe touched the ball just once, in a place where he wasn't legally allowed to launch the ball at the basket, on a game-deciding situation.

Now, I'm not a Kobe fan by any means. I respect the hell out of the guy, but I think Shaq was his championship, team-winning career. It's nice that he managed to get the Lakers back to the Finals without Shaq, and that he's been trying so hard to shed his "ball-hog" image. But is this about image, or a championship? Because if championship (which IS the image he's trying to create now, that he can win without Shaq) is it, then Kobe should have basically told his teammates to hand him the ball or he'd have them killed in their sleep.

And even if he doesn't, it's a teammates' instinct to know who needs the ball when. It's also a teammates' instinct to know what their role is, and how much room they have to screw up. I know I mention the National Championship game very frequently, but look how that played out for the Jayhawks - about 2 minutes to go, Sherron Collins drives to the basket on a STUPID, selfish play, throwing up a wild shot in traffic with most of the shot clock remaining. He wanted to be the hero, and nearly killed it for Kansas. But then game-tying situation with less than 10, he wants to drive and kick back out, knowing MARIO CHALMERS is your guy to have the ball in these situations...and well, it didn't go QUITE according to plan, but he got Super Mario the ball, and well, the rest is history, ROCK CHALK JAYHAWKKKKKKKK!!!!!!

So, yawn. NBA Finals. Whatever. Wake me up for the NBA Draft - which even that has lost its luster. Call me when something crazy happens, like Sunday comes and Russell Westbrook still hasn't hired an agent. I'm looking forward to seeing UCLA run a 5 guard set next year.

However, what DOES have me excited on the basketball front is the premier of "Gunnin' For That #1 Spot", a streetball documentary made by Adam Yauch (of Beastie Boys fame), coming out in select cities (INCLUDING MINE!) on Friday, June 27. It's received great reviews as is, but you know me + streetball = THERE, but add in a certain someone named Michael Paul Beasley to the list and, well, yeah...

(Actually, I'm most pumped to see Brandon Jennings, whose game, hair, and attitude I have a huge crush on already...I'm SO not sad to see Jerryd Bayless leave after one year. Speaking of which, I've been watching reruns of Pac-10 play on FSN Pacific - yeah, no wonder I'm ODing, right? - and MAN, that conference was awful this year. I kinda knew it all along, the few times I saw U-C, L-A and USC play, but ugh...it was like Big East back in the day bad, with those low scoring, bad offense games.)

Anyways, point is, have a trailer, see the awesomeness, and maybe next time we speak, I'll be a bit more positive about the basketballs again.

If Dwyane Wade's Taste in Basketball Players is the Same as His Taste in Women...

So it's a week later, the Chicago Bulls apparently held a knife to someone's throat during the NBA lottery drawing and now hold the magical rights to the one and only Derrick Rose choking on game winning FTs in the national championship game (WHICH NEVER GETS OLD TO WATCH!) in the 2008 NBA Draft. For them to say they plan to evaluate Michael Beasley and others is absurd. For one, Rose is the hometown kid. Duh, that's why I'm 99.9% sure that this was fixed. Someone needs to pump inspiration into the Bulls fans, who have had rough times since being spoiled in the 90s with MJ. They've been coming oh-so-close the last few years to regaining a half-ass form of that 90s magic with the Baby Bulls, but then you do something intelligent and draft Bozo the Clown and his marijuana plants, and sign 4'11" power forward who has never shown any remote ability to get a ball INSIDE a basket to a $6 billion deal, and you know, things don't really work out. It's getting REALLY bad when the Knicks win out on the hiring battle for coaches.

David Stern knew it would be a bit fishy to rig the lottery once again for the Knicks, so the Bulls are the next best bet. It didn't seem TOO weird to anyone, until you think about what the Bulls once meant to the NBA and Chicago (obviously, one of the largest markets), and how they haven't QUITE YET alienated their fans, but they're on the brink of doing so. The NBA has learned not to let its star ships sink too much, so they're trying to fix the Bulls while they're still salvageable.

Anyways, in basketball-terms, I am an extreme endorser in drafting proven point guards first. Derrick Rose is that. We know he can work on a team full of good/great players and people who need the ball a lot. We know he can lead a team and only cracks on the free throw line under pressure (See: final minutes against Kansas and Tennessee). We know he's quick, smart, enjoys a fine meal of gummy bears and honey buns, has a debilitating fear of needles (so no need to worry that he'll ever become a heroin junkie), and is the great Poohdini. And really, what more could you ask from the #1 pick and future of your franchise?

So all of this has Dwyane Wade depressed. Dwyane has stated outright that if the Heat were to get the #1 pick (as they laughably didn't), he would want Rose over Beasley any day of the week. Understandable. And if you didn't know, franchise players pretty much run the team. GMs and such are just there for job titles. Dwyane Wade is of the same vain as players like Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, etc. The Heat would be nothing without Wade, and to keep him there, he must be happy.

Wade is spending his off-season working off the 400 lbs he probably gained hanging out with his lover Star Jones while not actually playing this last season with Tim Grover in the Chi. Grover is coincidentally also preparing several clients for the upcoming NBA Draft. One of them just so happens to be the one and only Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo, better known to the world as Orange Juice Mayonnaise/OJ Mayo/The Latest Guy from USC to Get Illegally Paid.

OJ has always been a combo guard, and Grover has been working with him to particularly refine his point guard skills to raise his stock by making him a well-rounded NBA guard. His PG skills were seen by few in college. He had the ball in his hands plenty, and was hot and cold on making smart decisions with it. One of OJ's admirable basketball qualities is that he's one of the few guards who shoots a LOT of shots, but not too many 3s. As his freshman year wore on, he knew to be careful about forcing that risky shot, and subsequently was nearly a 41% 3pt shooter. But otherwise, he was susceptable to turnovers (which you expect with younger players who handle the ball a lot), and wasn't getting his teammates involved like a true point guard does. He was a combo guard. The end.

But Dwyane has been there while Tim Grover has been working on OJ. And as all reports indicate, he's becoming a swell PG. They have him going through drills that force him to make quick decisions, and he's earning As. Dwyane likes what he sees. And because he knows he can't have Rose, he now supposedly wants OJ.

I understand why Wade wants a point guard. They're the fundamental basis of a team, the difference-makers, etc. Look at CP3, Tony Parker, Deron Williams, etc. But why is he so seemingly opposed to Lil' Mike? And why is he getting obsessed with a guy who ISN'T a natural point guard?

Wade needs to remember that his championship was due in large part to Shaq. Now, Lil' Mike ain't no Shaq, even in his waning years of dominance. But big men CAN make a difference, if they play aggressive enough. See: KG in Boston on the nights he cares to own everyone. The East is still the East, and even the West has lost its big man dominance as the oldies (Chris Webber, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, Elton Brand) have fallen and aged. Wade wants a guy down low who can compliment him and open up some space for him when he drives. Nobody is caring what Udonis Haslem does. But they'll care about Beasley.

Oh, but Wade wants a guy who can hit some outside shots and extend the D. Was I the only one who watched Mike hit 38% from 3? And how many guards or forwards are going to be able to consistently guard a 6'9" man's outside shot?

I am tired of the unproven upside being more valuable than proven commodities. Yes, OJ Mayo will probably be awesome. But we already know Lil' Mike is awesome, and nobody is asking him to do anything we DIDN'T already see him do in college. Bonus is, he has the pressure off him to lead the Heat and make them better, because that is Wade's job. Or maybe he's just sending the message that he doesn't want that responsibility anymore because he wants to get fat with his new girlfriend.

When Getting Lucky Isn't So Lucky

Diversion of the Day: Don't be shocked when the Spurs and Pistons meet in a couple weeks in the NBA Finals. Consistency is key to winning. The end. Plus, I'm just NOT sold in particular on the Celtics. Besides Jesus Shuttleworth's amazing disappearing act, Tayshaun Prince's ridiculously long arms will bother the hell out of Paul Pierce, so don't expect too many more 40 point explosions. The ex-factor is Billups vs. Rondo. Billups has the size to outplay him, but the hurting hammy may slow him down and let Rondo speed around him. I can't figure out the Spurs, but the Lakers are their easiest matchup this playoffs since the only concern is pretty much Kobe, and even Bruce Bowen can curb that a bit. Ruben Patterson will be smiling from some jail cell.

Anyways, about a month ago, my dear friend Dylan and I discussed purchasing the Memphis Grizzlies. Cheap buy with potential to grow into something huge, as long as you fool people into thinking they're attending the REAL Memphis basketball team's games. That's an easy one though - we've devised a plan to pass out watered down whiskey shots while Mike Miller and John Calipari sing "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp", and by the time the fans enter Fed-Ex Forum, they'll be so dazed and confused that they won't realize the basketball players aren't wearing blue and white uniforms.

All kidding aside, the Grizz have potential. They have a solid young core that doesn't really seem to be on the verge of a meltdown or drug bust. They've adopted the Suns run-and-gun offense thanks to Coach Iavaroni, and it's worked out to their advantage as they outscored teams down the stretch of the season, getting 8 of their 22 wins in the final month of a half. They just need to learn some defense tactics, stay healthy, and figure out what to do with their front line.

The Grizz have a strong shot at getting the #1 or #2 picks in the NBA Draft Lottery tonight, which is normally a wonderful thing if your GM is intelligent enough to not draft Kwame Brown (ironically, currently on the Grizz's roster). With Derrick Rose and Michael Beasley being the stars of this draft class, busts are unlikely to happen in the first two picks. But what happens when you have the top 2 picks, and both of these people would cause issues for your team?

Obviously, Derrick Rose going from a Tiger to a Grizzly would make little sense when Mike Conley Junior already has the PG spot locked up, and my Philly boy Kyle Lowry as a fine backup. Conley was injured for a chunk of his rookie season, but considering that he had a solid year - low turnover rates, steadily rising numbers shooting and assist-wise, having to learn a new offense in a new league with your shoulder falling off, that sort of thing. I'm impressed alone with him averaging 10 points and over 5 assists in his first semi-full month of playing in January. Point is though, why do you need another point guard, and would Derrick Rose be that drastic of an improvement over Mike Conley? No. Duh. And the Atlanta Hawks and New York Knicks have proved that stockpiling 15 guys who play the same position doesn't help build that good of a basketball team.

So the answer is clearly Lil' Mike, right? Who DOESN'T want a guy who can throw up a floater in traffic, miss, sky for his own offensive rebound, and put the shot back on a fadeaway in even MORE traffic (Yes, that moment actually happened)?

Well...maybe the Grizzlies. See, there's this guy named Rudy Gay on the Grizz. Maybe you've heard of him. Just 2 years ago, just like Lil' Mike, supposedly the most talented guy in college basketball. He didn't put up Mike's jaw-dropping numbers at UConn, but he had that same ridiculous "potential" tag on him - and similar to Mike, everyone questioned whether or not he truly wanted to be great and could lead a team to win. Unlike Mike, Rudy played on a team full of great talent (Emeka Okafor, Josh Boone, Marcus Williams, and about 75 other guys currently in jail or on NBA rosters), which explains why he didn't really NEED to be third in the nation in scoring for UConn to be good.

He had a yawn-inducing rookie season in the NBA, but doubled his scoring average this year to 20 ppg, and actually started becoming a well-rounded player. I got used to reading Rudy Gay stat lines along the lines of: 22 pts, 6-35 FG, 1 reb, 0 assts, 6 TOs, and then he started caring and averaged about 6 boards a game, and even began consistently racking up assists and steals. So Rudy Gay is becoming the star everyone thought he would be someday. That's good. Great teams need a star to win. Period.

But Rudy Gay is like Michael Beasley - he's a star only when the ball runs through him most of the time. And if you put them on a team together, what will happen? Most likely, you'll get the Antoine Walker/Paul Pierce-led Celtics - 2 guys putting up ridiculous numbers while their team put up mediocre performances.

Look at all the recent college and NBA champions. With the exception of the Lakers of this early decade (which had the most dominant, unstoppable player in recent memory with Shaq-in-his-prime, who put up 40 and 20 like he was Wilt Chamberlain), they were all your prototypical well-rounded team, with fairly even shot distribution. They all had at least one consistent star, with several other guys who could step it up when it mattered. One and Two man shows just DON'T get it done, unless they have a Shaq. Lil' Mike is pretty amazing, but he's not Shaq. Nobody is.

So do you risk imploding your team because Lil' Mike and Rudy will average over 40 shot attempts per game between them? They would make an excellent front court tandem, and also often risk never getting into a flow together because they both NEED their shots to get comfortable. If you think that's not true for Mike, look at K-State's first round victory against USC, where Mike didn't get it going until late because he spent the first half in foul trouble.

The Grizz COULD use a true big man - Hakim Warrick played excellent offensively after the Gasol trade, but he's not the dominant 4 man you need to win in the West. They could also use a new 2 guard - Mike Miller is alright, but an upgrade wouldn't hurt.

So aren't they better off falling in the 3-6 range? Getting a chance to draft DeAndre Jordan or Eric Gordon may be the best thing for this team. They'd probably make an impact, and DON'T need the ball in their hand at every moment. Gordon is much more polished than Jordan, but 1 in every 10 7-footers HAVE to work out. I think we're due since Dwight Howard, right?

So, I'm gonna pray the lottery is rigged and the Knicks get the #1 pick and the Sonics #2 (D. Stern needs to ensure the Sonics find a new fan base), and the Grizzlies don't ever have to think about destroying their team with the 2 best players in the Draft. Although getting Lil' Mike to join Miller and Calipari for a rendition of "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" would be pretty awesome.

Ode to April

“April is the cruellest month. . .” declares T.S. Eliot in the opening line of The Waste Land. Mr. Eliot, I presume, was neither a gardener nor a sports fan. April is the best time for both gardening and sports, because there is always hope. Hope that your team plays better than last year. Hope that your team can survive for another game. Hope that the come-from-behind victory can and will happen. Hope that the rabbits don't eat your hostas...again.

So, April, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

1. Baseball. After a long winter, regular-season baseball arrives in at the start of April. Sure, spring training started earlier, but now the rosters are set, the fields are well-groomed, and the games count. And games that count make me happy. It’s a long season, after all. You can never start winning too early.

2. Stanley Cup Playoffs. Despite being a winter sport, the NHL is still going strong in April. The playoffs are, in my opinion, the most exciting part of the long hockey season. Does it get better than two overtime Game 7s on the same day? My answer is: No, especially if both your teams win.

3. NFL Draft. The draft is my absolute favorite thing about the NFL. The first-round hype! The meaningless analysis! The countless tickers on ESPN! Mel Kiper, Jr.’s hair! Also, I love the [useless] combine stats, the unpredicted picks, and the overly-invasive ‘sideline’ reporters. Really, though, the draft appeals to my primal need to organize, categorize, and plan.

4. Soccer. April is always a crazy soccer month. Teams in the English Premier League are either fighting for the top spots or struggling to avoid relegation, which means every match counts for something. All the major European leagues are underway, and the most of South American leagues are in mid-season. Not only that, the quarter-finals of Champions League and the semi-finals of the UEFA Cup take up the mid-week slots. MLS has started, too, but with all the other soccer options...who cares?

5. NBA Playoffs. I’m not usually a basketball fan. The game doesn’t appeal to me, for a variety of reasons, and I don’t pay much attention during the rest of the year. However, April brings the NBA playoffs, and the increased intensity makes the game more exciting somehow. I’m suddenly interested in Steve Nash and Carmelo Anthony, and I can’t seem to tear myself away. I have no explanation.

6. The Masters. The Masters is a Spring rite of passage, and during that week, Augusta is where I want to be [not that they’d let me play—but let’s table that discussion for another time]. The rolling fairways, the trimmed greens, the precarious pin placements in the final round—The Masters is the epitome of golf. And, really, any time Tiger is playing, you might just see magic.

7. Racing. [FYI, I’m not a NASCAR fan. And NASCAR started way back in February, so it totally doesn’t count.] Open-wheel racing begins in late March, making April an exciting time for motorsports. This year, April is a month that matters, with the merger of IndyCar and CART [it’s about time], Danica Patrick’s IndyCar win, and the fact that Formula 1 finally made it to a reasonable time zone. [I know Australia and Malaysia have great tracks, but I need to sleep some time, and F1 doesn’t hit my favorite track until late May, anyway.] Still, race day gives me a thrill. You never know what can happen when you combine very fast machinery and large amounts of testosterone [Ms. Patrick excluded, of course].

Now April is coming to end; three more days and May will be upon us. Seasons will end, teams will lose, and some sports will lose their spring luster. And as sad as I'll be when all that happens, I do need some time to catch up on my gardening.

How the Warriors Broke My Heart

The Golden State Warriors were seen as just another bad team as recently as a few years ago. They missed the playoffs year after year, 12 to be exact. I'd watch them, but mostly as background noise. There were a few seasons where they showed promise, just to fizzle out once again. The head coach position was a revolving door after Don Nelson left.

And then the 2006-2007 season arrived. Don Nelson returned. Chris Mullin came in as GM. Baron Davis was obtained the season before, and he showed flashes of brilliance even though he was injury-plagued. They had Jason Richardson, who was always fun to watch as well as being a fan favorite. Monta Ellis and Andres Biedrich were emerging as young stars. And then, halfway through the season, they traded away Troy Murphy, Ike Diogu, and Mike Dunleavy for "bad boy" Stephen Jackson and Al Harrington. (I was only bummed about Dunleavy leaving because of his sexy arms, but I understood the reasoning).

That trade transformed the team. After a losing streak that prompted Nelson to declare that the team sucked (in so many words), they caught fire. They beat Portland in the final game of the season to sneak into the final playoff spot.

I was just happy that they were decent again. What they did in the first round against Dallas was nothing short of amazing. The "We Believe" shirts, the flat-out beatdown... it was amazing. They fell flat against Utah, but it was okay. It gave Bay Area fans hope. And, as a certain presidential candidate has said, there's nothing false about hope.

Needless to say, the 07-08 season was full of hope, even after Richardson was traded away. It was dashed, though, when they started out 0-6. That was mainly because Jackson was suspended for the first seven games of the season. Once he returned, though, things improved greatly. (There were also grumblings when he was named one of the team captains, but he's behaved himself). They beat almost everybody at least once, except for Detroit and Utah. Baron Davis played every game, and Monta Ellis... is it possible to win the Most Improved Player award two years in a row? He's the best player nobody knows about- he's quick and has a sweet move to the hoop. And, uh, he's kinda cute in that dorky kind of way. (See, queen, I told you I'd hold back on the fangirling :p).

Sadly, they ran out of gas at the end. Denver emerged and took the final spot. Once the Warriors lost to Denver at home, I knew it was over. I screamed and cussed and declared that they were dead to me, but I got over it. Their final record was 47-35, which would've placed them fourth (I think) in the east, but left them out of this absolutely batshit insane western conference. Once they were mathematically eliminated, I turned my attention to baseball, and, at the moment, hockey.

Some have said that this will be the last time we see this team in this formation again. I hope not. They're really fun to watch, and I'm starting to learn more about basketball by doing so. It would be nice, though, if they stopped being so 3-point happy.

And I still want a "We Believe" t-shirt.

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