So yes. Ronaldo (AC Milan, not Man U, sadly) drops his girlfriend off, goes and picks up three hookers, does some drugs, if you believe the hookers, and then flips shit when he discovered that his hookers came with a bonus feature. And I am left laughing my ass off, because...really? Three tranny hookers? I mean, one was enough for Eddie Murphy. (Note: If Cristiano Ronaldo ever gets caught with three tranny hookers, you will hear my whoops of sheer glee from space, because I hate that bastard and I hope he hurts himself in spectacular fashion in just enough time to lose Man U the championship. And I'm an Arsenal supporter, so the fact that I want Chelsea to win? Should say something.)
Look, I know it's no 'Roger Clemens took a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL to his hotel room the night he met her, but they totally waited until she was legal to have sex. No, seriously. Why are you looking at me like that?' (Which, side note: Euuurrrrrgh. Seriously. I can't even mock it any more, because I am far too fucking grossed out and depressed by the entire thing. Like, where the fuck were her parents? What the fuck was he thinking? And who picks up a fifteen year old girl and takes her to his hotel room? This ain't Thailand, Rog. We have laws against that.)
And hey, speaking of inappropriateness with the youngsters and kicking it up a notch for it being your own daughter, does someone want to explain to me why Hulk Hogan appears to be rubbing sunblock on his own daughter's ass? I just...I quit. I can't do this any more.
My point is, this week has been a bit crazy for athletes that can't keep their dick in their pants. I'd advise noted manwhore Kyle Farnsworth to maybe keep it zipped up while he serves his suspension for nearly beaning Manny Ramirez. Who knows what could happen if that crazy motherfucker got into trouble? I'm guessing it would involve several surface to air missiles, an army of midgets, at least six donkey shows and a trumpet, just for fun.
Here, have a picture of reformed manwhore Pat Burrell. (I say reformed only because he's a newlywed. I don't really believe it.) That's not sweat glinting off his shoulders. That's the funny syphilis.
